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Sunday, October 04, 2009

Pining for old flame

This article is adopted from TheStar's Dear Thelma section.

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AFTER being together for three years, my girlfriend S and I broke up. We were happy the first two years. I was a fresh graduate and had just started working and she was still studying. I moved in with her and her mum six months after we met.

Her mum was open-minded about our situation and even cared for me as if I were her own son. Even though her relatives occasionally gossiped, saying I was taking advantage of my girlfriend’s hospitality, her mum always defended me.

Earlier this year, S and I moved to the city when she had to continue her studies. I would have preferred to stay in my small town, but I did it for S.

Things went smoothly at first, but after several months, S began to have mood swings that made her impulsive and she wanted to end our relationship over a small argument. After talking it through, we decided to stay together and take things slow.

However, her mum wasn’t pleased. She felt that I was affecting her daughter’s studies and decided to separate us. I eventually moved out with a heavy heart, but S and I maintained our relationship secretly.

But her mum found out and told S to make a clean break. I told S I loved her and would wait until she completed her studies. She wasn’t so positive and insisted that her mum would never want us to be together.

I am now back in our hometown, jobless, depressed and alone. Only one thing will get me back on my feet and that is when S contacts me and tells me that she misses and loves me. I hope she will make her own decision to be with me again.

Fallen

Respone from Thelma:

DO not depend on anyone to get you back on your feet. If you do not have the strength and resilience to get a job and shake yourself out of depression and self-pity, no mother would want her daughter to be with you.

Yes, you are heartbroken and in pain. The turn of events was unexpected and you could not have known that your girl’s mother would be so determined to break up the relationship. However, she obviously wanted the best for her little girl and as you seem to be more of a deterrent than a help, she had no qualms about giving you the boot.

Perhaps moving to the city was not for you. You had done so for your girl but the relationship suffered. Or perhaps a new lifestyle and environment had changed the both of you. Your girlfriend had agreed to call it quits, but you are not prepared to let your love go. You want to hang on to the past, thinking only of the wonderful memories and hoping that she will change her mind again.

Do not torture yourself. Instead of wallowing in pain and misery, get a job. When you are emotionally and financially stable, the opportunity to get in touch with your girl may come. Allow her time and space to complete her studies and start her career. Be supportive and encouraging. Be friends if you cannot be lovers.

Prove that you can hold your own despite the odds. No one wants a weak, wimpy guy for a husband or son-in-law. If this love does not work out, there are women out there waiting for a man who has the will and gumption to make it good in life.

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I feel this article is very useful to me.. Lots of important point that I must keep on remind myself from time to time.

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